Today was orientation at the high school. There’s a lot of silent drama going on as our girl does NOT want to go there. But she was up and dressed and off we went. The parents went into the auditorium for a ridiculously unprofessional presentation. The auditorium is huge. It’s on the scale of Jimmy’s college auditorium. But they couldn’t figure out how to fit the Power Point presentation on the 6 ft tiny screen. Seriously, if the kids did that? Ya know? Anyway, we had 20 minutes of introductions and then almost 2 hours of a NOPE presentation which is their version of DARE. Can’t remember already what it stands for but it’s drug abuse awareness and in particular prescription drugs. There were about 20 pictures of kids who have OD’d and I assume rather recently. I don’t even know the drugs anymore. These prescription drugs are all the rage. And so many drugs I’ve never heard of. There’s something called Molly’s? Spice? How about Skittle parties? Anybody heard of those? You have to come to the party with a pill and throw it in a bowl – and then you have to take something from the bowl. I mean I want to throw up just hearing this. Oh you know another interesting tidbit? This cop said every single overdose death started with marijuana use. Every single one. There was more talk about parents hosting keggers or buying beer for the prom and honestly I just wanted to cry when I came out of there.
I have often been made fun of my zero tolerance policy or “nervous Nelly” attitude. But doesn’t the gamble scare you? Although the percentage is high for not becoming an addict; do you really want to think of that gamble? Do you want your kid to be the one that the odds are against? How do you know it will stop there? How do you know? These are the things that go through my mind. I think maybe it’s because of my past and that I’m so thankful that I didn’t end up dead in some canal in Miami that I go overboard on the fear factor. It was sheer luck on my part or I had a guardian angel for sure. Unfortunately it appears that not everyone has a guardian angel or the luck of the draw.
In reality I really don’t have zero tolerance. I say I do but I don’t even know what that means. In “my” house there was a no drinking party policy – so Jimmy went to John’s. Ya know? I mean years of praying nobody died up there or after leaving there. Cause praying was my only recourse (so far so good) It was years of stress, for all of us. Zachary went who knows where. And I’m not a great parent either – I bought a case of beer one time for Jimmy at college for Mom’s weekend. They were going to get it anyway with a fake I.D. and I just went and got it. I hated myself for it. I told them it was for the “moms”. I still hate myself for it. But they’re going to get it anyway. Right? It’s hard to know what not to do.
And now? These kids, in Florida, drug capital of the world, in big schools, where at least one of them doesn’t want to go. And I know nobody? What was I thinking? I want to curl up in the fetal position and stay there; just for another 9-10 years? Until Jorden is out of college? I honestly don’t know if I’ll get through it.
I came home from that presentation and threw out all my pain pills (left over from teeth problems) I don’t take them anyway. I didn’t take them when I supposedly needed them. Why do we hang onto them?
Tomorrow is Jorden’s orientation. I’m sitting close to the exit and if those NOPE people are there again I’m cutting out, running home and going back to bed. Just like the good guardian I am.