It’s hard to write today without mentioning Robin Williams. Hearing the news last night was shocking. Even Jimmy texted me to see if I heard the news. It seemed like a family member died or at least a close acquaintance. The posts on Facebook were so sad and personal. When Mark Besterman posted how much he’d miss Robin Williams I cried. It’s surprising how these celebrity figures affect our lives. Apparently Robin was open about his problems with addiction and was proud of his 20 years of sobriety. A lot of other posts today on Facebook are “rehab” and addiction related. One post in particular hit close to home. Craig Ferguson did a monologue a few years ago on his own struggles with alcohol addiction. Craig Ferguson points out that addiction is not cured by a “rehab” stint and boom after 28 days you’re magically cured. It’s a lifelong commitment. Lifelong.
We often hear of these comedic celebrities, such as Robin Williams, who have a very dark side. What we see is a nut case but perhaps what they are doing is hiding their dark side. And really who wants to know about other people’s dark side? Even with these posts of mine I always try and post the positive stuff and when I can’t be positive I either make something up or I post nothing. Nobody wants to hear about the bad stuff. And I don’t want to focus on it either. (not that there’s a lot of bad stuff, but you get the idea.)
All of this has made me think about my own quitting issues. I’m thinking of the Robin Williams’ of the world that put on that brave face, make people laugh and then commit suicide? Isn’t there always a drug and alcohol connection too? I admit there are times I think of drinking, but the bad memories of hangovers and lost days are stronger than any drink could ever taste, so far. A beer would taste great. But then what? Another? Next thing you know, well I don’t want to think of the next thing. I don’t want to think of those next things ever again. They had their place and time in my life but I’m not that person anymore. However, if I don’t think about those times then I might lose perspective on their importance in my decision to not drink. Maybe I’m more mature now. Maybe I could drink a drink or two. Maybe I could, but what if I couldn’t. It’s a balance. It’s a commitment to make that decision, over and over again.
These days when I want to escape, I think about going to an oceanfront hotel, alone (or with my boyfriend), for a weekend, perhaps with a spa treatment or three. Not drinking a bottle of whiskey, or taking pills. That doesn’t even sound fun to me anymore. However, it’s never far from my mind that drinking or something similar is an escape option. All of us quitters are just one drink, one sip away of a setback. Therefore I must never forget my decision to quit.
I am a quitter and I’m proud of it. I pray that I’m committed to it for the rest of my life. I am proud to make being a quitter a verse in my life.