Nothing sucks more than the moment you realize “you” are wrong. Right? Zenah gave Phil and I to read this article, which I did dutifully. The gist is you learn more and your brain grows more with each mistake because it’s the process of figuring out how to fix that mistake that gives one the cognitive growth. I think she actually gets excited when she makes a mistake because she is so super smart she knows she is growing from it. But then again she is under the age of 25 and still growing cognitively. At this age when a mistake is made, because we’re not growing cognitively anymore, it’s more about being humbled and sick to your stomach and how to get over that feeling.
There are so many mistakes I’ve made in my life and a lot of them really do take a long long time to recover from. Even eating two cakes over the weekend and then hitting the homemade pumpkin bread, that is going to take a long long time to recover from. It’s not just this weekend though, it’s the months preceding this weekend where I’ve made similar bad decisions. I know, for so many reasons, on so many levels, not to eat the cake, but it’s delicious and I do it. So my pants don’t fit, my body hurts from too much sugar, I mean there is nothing good about it. I know this cognitively. Big deal, it’s not helping.
Looking back I can see, using cognitive skills, how making just one stupid mistake can snowball into a huge quagmire that can possibly take years to recover from. Bad financial decisions, bad relationships, bad career decisions, wrong health choices. But why is that? Why does it snowball into so many other consequences? Why can’t we just say okay, got it and then not have the fallout? Just because you make one tiny little error in judgment? Like a momentary lapse? Really? Who makes up these rules about consequences?
An article I Googled says something like: cognitive development only takes place until about age 25.. afterwards, it’s is the development of post formal-operational thinking in an adult and is indicated primarily by the presence of dialectical thinking. Dialectical thinking has its roots in Greek classical philosophy, is also found in ancient Hindu and Buddhist philosophy, and relates to the search for truth through reasoned argument. Click here.. you can read the article if you want.
All this rhetoric to explain why at some point last night, quite instantaneously during a reasoned argument 🙂 I realized I’m w-r-r-r-r-r-rong. I’m effing this particular thing up. All this belly aching I’ve been doing over these months and I’ve been looking at this the wrong way. My dialectical thinking kicked in. I guess it’s a good thing because I have the chance now to correct it. It might be too late in some ways as it’s caused me to make some other decisions that I might not have had to make. So what have I learned? Have I had any cognitive growth? I guess not since I’m over the age of 25. So what does that mean to us middle-agers now? That the mistakes just suck? And what now? Just like move on? Suck it up? WTF? and oh well?
Maybe I’ve caught it in time. Maybe my years of mistakes, which I practiced before the age of 25 and then perfected after that, have given me enough cognitive growth to now have reasoned arguments with others and/or with myself as to what happens next. Maybe it’s about catching those mistakes in time, since I’m not eliminating them, and then having a different set of consequences. At the very minimum there will be at least one person who may be satisfied that I have seen the truth because of my advanced dialectical (not to be confused with diabolical) thinking.
I am not regretting anything I’ve done here (other than eating too much). I LOVE my boyfriend, I’m glad I moved, it’s all good. But sometimes in daily life, I am learning, you can make these w-w-r-r-roonng decisions that can lead to outcomes that you didn’t anticipate. That’s all. And I’m learning from it, finally. Or at least blogging about it.
Now, I am going to have a reasoned argument with myself in the mirror and then hit the treadmill, or maybe take a nap.