Why was it again I thought I needed a job?  I think the last thing that I blogged, and had come to terms with was “go big or stay home” and then had very happily decided to embrace the new me, dive into hospice work and forget that I ever felt guilty about not working.  IF that excellent job came up then I would be happy to accept it thank you.  That was just a short time ago that I finally got to that place.

Then the phone rang.  On Sunday.  It was Eileen.  I’ve never met Eileen.  She works for a staffing agency.  One of the thousands that I’ve sent a resume to with no response.

Eileen:  Are you working?

Me: Nooo (said with much trepidation as if this was a trick question)

Eileen:  Do you know Word, Excel, PowerPoint, data entry?

Me:  Yea.  Why? (as if she’s a bill collector, what’s her angle?)

Eileen:  Let me tell you what I have.  A temp job with Hospice.  Not horrible pay.

Me:  No kidding.  Ha!  That’s funny. Well, yes of course I know where they are located (unfortunately not the location 2 seconds from my house). Well sure, I’m interested, sure go ahead send my resume. Whatev…why not.

Me thoughts:  hmmmm, well okay, we’ll see.  Interesting out of the blue timing, interesting with hospice, don’t think too much about it just automatically say yes because that’s what you’re trained to say.

Monday:

Eileen:  Well, they want to interview you.  Surprise surprise!  What’s your schedule?

Me:  Well, I’m out of town next week (and as I went to say, the kids are starting school, blah blah she interrupts)

Eileen:  How about tomorrow?

Me:  Oh yea, well, okay sure.  I have hospice in the morning but I can go anytime in the afternoon.  Sure. ( I’ve gone on other interviews before this is just another exercise in the” say yes” norm..feign interest.)

Tuesday:

Went to an hour of Jorden’s orientation.  Phil had to bring me home so I could get to my morning Reiki work at the Care center by 10:00 which was real interesting.  I was there over 2 hours with many takers.  It was fascinating.  It is fascinating.  Since I was running late there, and then had a low tire, again, what is with me and low car tires? I swear I do not hit curbs, or potholes.  WTF?  Anyway, ran home to Jorden “can you get us Chik Fila?”  No I have to get to my interview…Still not thinking it’s connected to actually getting a job, it’s just an exercise.   To Jorden, I’ll text you on my way home and get you food.  Dam kids.  MEANWHILE, I lost my (Phil’s) debit card so I’m like fundless for this stuff.  I mean not good timing. No gas, no Chik fila money.

Anyway, off to the interview.  Got to the beautiful location, very beautiful location.  I’ve been to a meeting there before.  So the first thing I do is go into the men’s bathroom.  Seriously I did that.  I thought it was one of those co-ed bathrooms but when I came out I checked the wall just to double-check and sure enough MEN’S picture.  You know those pictures are hard to read. So thank GOD there wasn’t a man coming into the room.  Sheesshh…

Into the interview.  It’s a front desk admin position.  A career to aspire to?  After 30 years, a bachelors,  half a masters, no.  Whatever….Do you know Word, Excel, good with databases?  Yea, sure.  A lot of phone calls (PHONE CALLS?  I DON’T DO PHONE CALLS, Right Di?  But I keep that to myself) Can I start next Monday?  No I’m away.  How about the following Monday (the first day of school)?  What are your hours?  8-5 is that okay? (EIGHT to 5?  Who works those house?  How about 9-1? 10-2?) Sure. That’s fine, 8-5. See you in two weeks.

Out the door in 15 minutes.  FIFTEEN minutes.

Text to Jorden and Zenah, I’m on my way home.  What do you want from Chik FilA (kiss those days goodbye….pro…and con…and where’s that debit card…shit..)

Cue the tears

What the hell just happened? How did this happen?

Phil:  Oh that’s GREAT news!  I’m so happy for you.  Why don’t you apply for the job full-time? Really Phil.  Really?

Drop off the food, leave to get air in my tire, head to the beach.  Sat on a park bench on the Causeway, on the water, called my mom (and sister) and cried.

What about my Reiki people?  What about my card lady?  My Eleanor?  (names changed of course) What about yoga, morning walks? What about my Reiki classes?  What about the workshop I’m going to?  Who’s going to pick those kids up after school? What about when Lacrosse practice starts? What about horseback riding? BLOGGING?  LYMING???

Not to mention a career suicide job.  It’s not a career job. Which really I wouldn’t care about if it was part-time.  But 8-5 is more than half my life.  MORE than.  It’s just humiliating.

What the hell have I done?

My sister insists it’s not a death sentence and to quit crying.  This coming from the person that’s never worked a 9-5 let alone 8-5 job.  However, she works 17 part-time jobs to make up for it.  So I don’t wish for that either.

I’ll just suck it up.  I will rearrange my hospice people and try to visit them after work a couple of nights a week.  I don’t know about the Reiki as that would have me not being home 3 nights a week.  But that’s the part of my life I love the most.  As far as exercise I can walk and do yoga after work if I never want to be part of this family again.  I can get up at 4:00 and try to walk, yea that’s not happening.  I’m not Julie Russell.  I saw a fitness center on the work campus yesterday.  I used to do that at lunch once upon a time. Maybe I’ll get them to start a lunchtime yoga class.  One thing about hospice is they are very much into self-improvement.  At least on the volunteer side of things.  I’m going to have to call all my Volunteer coordinators and resign from future appointments.  Good thing that Doula thing never happened.  Guess that wasn’t meant to be.

Well I’ll tell you what I am grateful for.  I am grateful that I had over a year to “find” myself.  I have found out that I don’t sit around and do nothing. Actually before the dreaded full-time job I was kidding with my mom that at least now I know what I would do if I won the lottery.  I would do exactly what I’ve been doing.  Hospice, spiritual improvement (with hospice), exercise (loosely), homemaker, dinner cooker, taxi cab driver, pizza/food delivery woman and blogger.  Unfortunately I was not able to turn any of that into income producing…or get over 28 followers.  So now it’s back to the grind. Back to figuring out how to keep a life going with the two hours I have after getting home before going to bed.   I’m happy to give up the taxi/pizza driver, but not happy to strand both kids after school.  If only I didn’t care.  There are a lot of parents who don’t.  I should try to be more like them.

Not many people get a year off.  So I know I’ve been blessed.  But Phil has carted my ass long enough, it’s time to cut him a break.  He needs to get his own girls a car and I need to carry my own ass…large as it is, and pay for my own car.  I’m looking forward to paychecks for sure.  I’m looking forward to paying off some bills that have been growing this past year (because I really haven’t won the lottery and a lot of this life is on credit).  I’m looking forward to new work friends.  And because I’m dreading this job so much I will probably end up loving it.

I’m not looking forward to coming home to a mess everyday..it’s only noon and Jorden has his shit in the kitchen and he’s already texted can I go get him a Cappuccino blast.  And what’s for dinner?  These things I will NOT miss.  Although I’m pretty sure that dinner question will either be texted throughout the day and again as soon as I walk in the door.  Kids…

Well I will just turn this frown upside down.  I’m going to get in as much yoga and walking and lyming as I can before the dreaded first day. I have a visit north this weekend and I wasn’t planning on going back anyway until Christmas and now maybe I’ll be able to get tires for my car and a vacation weekend to anywhere in somewhere, cause I’ll be able to afford it.  Maybe I WILL go to California…Scott…clean my room!

But here’s the thing.  This is a TEMP job.  I could be back home without a job in two weeks.

Time to go pee in the cup.  All part of the fun.

Until…

the end of the blog is near….

xoxoxoxo

One Thought on “Careful what you wish for

  1. Scott monahan on August 12, 2015 at 2:26 pm said:

    Geeeeeeezzzzze! All that whining and you might be let go in 2 weeks. Geeeeeeze! I’m not gonna clean your room, seems like you’ll be well rested and can clean it yourself!!!! Where are my cookies?

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