One of the worst things as a mom is when your child is wiser than you, and has been since birth.  I guess it’s also a plus but it feels kinda bad getting scolded by your son.  I guess if I need scolded though it might as well be by Zachary.

I had this really bad episode last night of what apparently is acid reflux.  Woke me right up out of a dead sleep.  A dead sleep that I had fallen into immediately after eating a hot dog, mac and cheese, a brownie and lemonade.  I can hear ALLLL of you.  Every single one of you saying “ooohhhhhh”  but here’s the thing…. I came home late from working all day then I went and offered Reiki for 2 hours at the care center.  Lots of takers.  Anyway, I was hungry and Philip had made that for dinner and very nicely saved me some.  Who am “I” to say no thank you and have a piece of celery instead?  Obviously for those of you that have seen me lately you know I haven’t been saying no thank you to any of it for quite some time.  And well, it’s catching up with me in more ways than one.  This latest thing, this acid reflux experience, is hopefully enough for me to NEVER eat a brownie, lemonade or mac and cheese again.  I used to eat one or two hotdogs per year.  So I think I’ll go back to that. I called Zachary for some advice since I know he’s had problems with this acid reflux business and this is what he said:

“I’m going to say this one time….you can’t eat like a 12-year-old anymore.  You’re not Jorden… you need to stop it right now…don’t “plan” on stopping it…stop it now.  You’re not a college kid, you’re not young, either stop it or you’re going to have to go thru life feeling this way.”  Or something very close to that…in that tone.

I hate him.

Not really.

But why can’t he say, “you know what mom, that only happens like once in a blue moon.  I think if you keep eating brownies and mac and cheese and then falling asleep immediately the weight will not only fall off, you will also start feeling much better.”  But no, he did not say that.

Marta, my new bff at work, said she has similar issues so she never eats dinner any more.  She eats a big lunch, usually later in the day and after work she’ll eat yogurt or oatmeal.  I responded that I have that family that I not only cook for but sit with at dinner.  She told me that whatever I make for dinner for that family, I should pack up and that’s what I bring for lunch the next day.  I’ll just pick at something at dinner. Genius right?  We do eat a good dinner a lot.  We don’t eat fried foods.  Although the hotdog and mac and cheese is a perfect go-to dinner for them when I’m not there to cook, I personally just can’t eat that particular meal…apparently…according to Zach.  And apparently eating and falling asleep is a big no no.  Marta is the size of a bean pole so she’s probably onto something as well.  And Zachary, well, as Diane always said, he’s smarter than all of us put together.  At the time she started saying this I believe she was referring to me and Dennis (Zachary’s father).  And well, that goes without saying.  We were young, Zachary at 6 years of age was always the wiser.

Also I don’t think it helps that I’m at this age.  I apparently could get away with a somewhat slacking diet 20 years ago, but as it turns out, as Zachary pointed out to me, it’s not 20 years ago, and I’m not 20 years younger.  This is why no one should have kids late in life, because you can’t eat with them anymore.  Ever.  I guess that should have been on my online dating profile…no longer able to eat with the kids.  I wonder if we would have still ended up together. 🙂

So that’s been my day.  Searching Google for things NOT to eat for acid reflux and things I am allowed to eat.  Not a whole lot of options.  No chocolate, no caffeine, no pop.  Wait, just because this is soo ridiculous this is what I ate yesterday.

  • Breakfast: Fage yogurt, with that fruit side that comes with it.
  • Drinks: decaf hot tea (see? Good!)
  • Throughout the day: Ghirardelli chocolates (brought in by a coworker…let’s stone him!)
  • Lunch: I brought in a sandwich..homemade roast beef, brie, mustard on rye…side of healthy sweet potato chips (not many) and Orange Izze
  • More Ghirardelli chocolates
  • Dinner at 8:30hot dog, white bun, onions, ketchup, mustard, mac and cheese, lemonade, brownie.

It’s no wonder I’m not dead. Everything underlined is what NOT to eat.

Today I brought a salad and banana.

Well enough of that.  Needless to say last night’s episode was quite the eye opener.  Plus he (Zach) told me that clearing your throat a lot is also a sign of acid reflux.  I’ve been doing that a lot lately and have been wondering why.  Look at that.  Surrounded by genius.

What’s really sad is that Zach knows all this unpleasant acid reflux stuff from experience at his young young age (thirtysomething).  That would suck.   But helpful to me.  Hmmmm, I wonder if it was from all the mac and cheese and PB&J’s he was raised on.  Luckily he ate vegetables too because now that’s pretty much all he can eat.

So I guess bottom line, if anyone has a burning question, or burning esophagus and wants some answers, call Zach.  Let me know if he scolds you as well or if I’m just special.

Until,

Xoxoxo

4 Thoughts on “Damn kids

  1. Stephanie Shanahan on September 2, 2015 at 9:14 pm said:

    Lynn, it was the mustard on the hot dog. I get it occasionally and always when I eat yellow mustard. Get some Pepcid, I buy the generic Walgreens brand, they work great and you can eat what you like. Of course you take them after something you ate has given you the heartburn/reflux. Love, Love

  2. jennifer nugent on September 6, 2015 at 8:23 am said:

    Go Zach go!!! He’s not scolding you … he’s showing his love!!! And being that woman who did have her children later in life (as Suzanne would say-what were you thinking?) Marta’s advice is good! That’s kind of what I do. Also stick a protein bar in your purse (even though most of them taste like crap) and eat it between 3 and 5 so you don’t walk in the house starving. And this is not scolding … it’s love 🙂

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