If this was a beach vacation I’d be ready to go home now. I’m not quite sure what do with myself. Clearly there’s an adjustment going on.
I’m still walking on the beach daily – I probably walk over to the beach 3 or 4 times a day for various reasons. Yesterday I took my chair and book and sat for about 4 hours reading a new book. I came back because I was hungry. Well then you’re just full of sand. No matter how much outdoor showering it just doesn’t come off completely. Then the big decision – do I go back to the beach and keep reading? I decided no because that sun is too much for my delicate flower skin 🙂 I mean seriously, I am not going to be leather-lady.
I walked back over around 5:00 for my walk – then back over at 8:00 for the sunset. My neighbor said she’ll walk over sometimes around 11:00 at night just to look at the stars. Last night was completely cloudy so maybe I’ll try that tonight.
Of all the Florida gifts, i.e, the weather, the water, the sand, the foliage, it is the sky that I love the most. The weather comes in a close second. The sky is like an art show all the time. I never tire of it. It’s a huge canvas where God keeps trying different pictures, then he erases it and tries something else. What’s that toy called that does that? Light Bright? Etch a Sketch? It’s God’s big Etch a Sketch. Everybody knows God paints different sunsets but down here because the sky is so vast you get the bigger picture. Here’s some cloud formations he was trying last night during sunset:
I don’t think he could decide if he wanted it stormy or sunny. We get a lot of both blue sky and storm clouds at the same time down here. Which probably is proof that God is really a woman. She can’t make up her mind.
A gift I’m not so fond of is the wildlife. The bugs and the lizards. I guess the lizards are fine as long as they are outside. Actually I don’t care about any of it as long as it’s outside. This morning I was straightening up and picked up a blanket to find a tiny little lizard on the couch. I thought maybe it was dead, but noooo, it moved. So I used a cup and got it outside. But what if it was bigger? Is it a baby? Where’s mama? I do keep my screen door open at times to get fresh air, I mean any of them can march right in. Did they send in the small one to canvas the joint? Mostly I’m very very happy with the lack of bug sightings here in this small place. I am being very careful with my food products. In Palm Harbor we didn’t worry about it that much. I don’t know if there were so many places for those bugs to hide that we never saw them, or rarely saw them, but they are in general a problem here in Florida.
I had a nice breakfast today with Rick Cole. We thought another Sewickley-ite was going to join us but she was a no show. Anyway, breakfast at Caddy’s. Caddy’s is in my backyard now. It’s hard to be depressed at Caddy’s. I might apply over there, as soon as I found out what front and back of the house positions mean. It’s been a long time since my restaurant days. Anyway, it was nice to have someone to chat with. He is a great resource and knows a lot about the sea since he is a Marine biologist. He filled me in on the shark feeding times. He swims at the local pool.
I desperately need a friend.
I talked to my ex-boss from Hospice about a new job posting I saw online. It’s a new position there and yes I applied. So yes I’m actively looking. I’m putting the word out as much as I can given my seclusion. There’s no such thing as literally pounding the pavement any longer, is there? I know Zachary thinks a job at a hotel is the answer and I admit I haven’t tried that yet. Rick’s wife is an Acupuncturist. Maybe she would like a Reiki partner? That would be my dream.
I haven’t even started my car in two days. There’s really no place for me to go. Even if I had money there’s nothing to spend it on as I don’t have room for “things” in my new place. Yes it is “my” car. That car was always mine, bought with my funds and my trade-in of the Nissan. There seemed to be some question that it was Phil’s car. And to be clear that car is all mine, as are the payments. As well as all the other payments of debt incurred in that relationship. Yay me.
I am gearing up to get back to my volunteering with Hospice. I’m in a different area now so I’ll have a different team leader, new patients and a new Care Center where I will be volunteering. Everyone has my new info so they are waiting for me to say “ready.” I need to get back into it so I feel more settled here. I told them I’m ready next week. I wanted to give myself a week off. There is a good chance that I will never have this kind of time again. Although I have a love/hate relationship with this alone time I’d like to suck every moment out of it that I can before returning to the real world.
Janice sent me this wonderful book for my bday. It is uncanny how timely this book is, which I’m sure she knew in her heart. I would love to quote the whole book, but instead will just share this one passage that speaks to loss and grief. Afterall, I have had a loss. Of course it’s not comparable to a death which so many of my friends have gone through. Tragedy comes in many forms and I would not call my loss a tragedy of any kind. But nevertheless it is a loss and there is a grieving process. The book states:
Grief alone can paralyze, true, but too soon a rush to reassessment can abort the process of readiness for the future. Only grieving can release us from grief. There is no moving on to new life until we have faced the loss of the past one. And that takes time. (The Story of Ruth)
I’m giving it one week.