I made the mistake of trying to make a big deal out of my birthday when my kids were growing up. Kids get excited about birthdays and since I had no one to help in this subject (like a partner/spouse) I would encourage them to make a big deal out of mine. As they got older and it wasn’t as “cute” anymore I instituted mandatory family days. One of them being mother’s day and the other my birthday. On both days they had to do what I wanted. For my birthday I always dragged them to the Arts Festival. I thought I started a tradition that would last forever and also help them appreciate art and broaden their horizons. Looking back I remember them (especially Jimmy) just barreling through the booths rarely stopping to look at anything just to get it over with so we could eat. I think they mostly talked to each other and really didn’t pay much attention to me, come to think of it…Dam kids..
Some years it would rain on mandatory Arts Festival day (which it usually rains for the Arts Festival) and then my birthday became movie day. I remember when Zach took me to Thor for my birthday in 2011. I acted like I was excited to see it but inside I was begrudgingly agreeing to go just so I could be with him. Meanwhile that movie became one of my favorite of all time. I even have the Thor theme songs on my “running” playlist and look to the sky often for “my” Thor. Is he watching me? Jorden wanted to go to the Captain America movie (the new one) on Mother’s day this year, you know like it was for “me.” Then said we could go to something different if I preferred. But I always go back to Thor and remember how I really don’t know what it is I want so I said “let’s go!” And as it turns out I loved Captain America too, not as much as Thor, but still..I’m now a Marvel fan.
So here’s the rub on this birthday stuff. My children aren’t here in Florida with me and mandatory days seem to have gone by the wayside. I think the mandatory days should have rolled over no matter where I am but alas they did not. I somehow did not instill that geography portion into the tradition and now regret it. So on the two what used to be mandatory days of excitement of being with my boys, I am left in a pool of tears. Well, maybe not a “pool” but I have certainly set myself up for disappointment.
I know you are all thinking, “how can she say that when then just paid for her to live for 2 months at the beach?” to which I would reply, I know I know. It’s not the material stuff, I just miss the excitement of us getting together for those days. And I miss them. What can I say. I’m a mom. Dam kids.
This birthday was no different, I missed them again. However I got cards and surprise money and my niece and all the babies face-timed me, lots of calls and texts. A beautiful bracelet from Jean, a book from Jan. And a very special video (see below) !! So I am really so so appreciative of all the calls and birthday wishes that I got all weekend long and into today…and by the way Happy Birthday Jannie (Ryan)!!! I have such good friends and generous ones at that. BUT there is no getting around missing my boys and the excitement of mandatory days.
After feeling sorry for myself all day on Saturday, I got my ass out of the apt and down to the beach for a sunset walk. I felt sooo much better afterwards. I was like a new person. And then I applied for two jobs on-line. Yesterday was even better with me leaving the apt in the car (more than walking across the street) going to Stephies and hanging at the beach with her and then she made me Birthday Tacos and a hot fudge sundae. Today we are going for pedicures (thank you Sue) and well the birthday celebration just goes on and on.
I felt like a real person today, got up early and headed up north to visit a friend and get stuff from the house and out of storage. I even spoke on the phone to PB which was nice. He didn’t remember my birthday of course, but still it was civil. I think I have everything I need out of the house until I make my permanent move which probably won’t be for quite some time.
A wise person told me not to send out toooo many resumes per day because that can work against you and be very discouraging. I will take that advice to heart. Today I reached out to one person (the temp agency) and maybe after the pedicure I’ll look on-line.
Tomorrow I’m heading to the new Hospice Care Center to try to get acclimated to the new location and start volunteering again. It is not at all convenient to where I live but I know that I am needed there the most. They have a lot of patients and not a lot of volunteers. So tomorrow I will get up and actually shower and wear something other than jean shorts and a tank top and maybe pretend like it’s a job. We’ll see. But then I’m going to need gas. I sure do miss that debit card :-/
I think I’ve turned a corner. I’m feeling less bummed. It’s a good feeling. It truly was/is a good Birthday!
Happy Birthday to me!