Dear Philip –
I have taken the last of my belongings from the beach place and put them in storage. I managed to get most of my clothes out including my box of boots. The box of boots wouldn’t fit in the car so I had to empty the box and just stuffed the contents in the car. What didn’t fit I threw out. I couldn’t get to the dresser drawers but thank god because I can’t fit one more thing in the car. I can’t fit what I have now.
I’ll be heading out early in the morning for Virginia. I need to leave early enough to stay ahead of the storm. Hopefully I’ll get one more walk in, in the morning if the surf isn’t too rough from the impending storm that’s headed our way, or I guess “your” way now. I left a bag of a couple of things for you in storage; some Canadian coins for your collection or for the girls if they go for a visit north, and your first grade picture. Although you were very adorable I assume you want that back. Also that glass casserole is not mine. Dave’s in there as well and you can take him “home” anytime.
No one is more surprised than me that Finally Florida has come to an end. I was fighting against it up until the last-minute but there is that moment when you just know it’s time to call it. I think the saying is something about beating a dead horse. As you can imagine these last two days of packing and moving will be remembered as one of the saddest times of my life. Maybe you have moved on but I’m still stuck in this “I can’t believe it’s over” loop. I think it’s the blog. The blog was originally started to keep me connected to my friends back home but now it’s keeping me connected to you. I cannot separate Finally Florida from the Bakers. I want to move on and although Stephanie has tried her hardest, it hasn’t really happened for me. Clearly Florida commerce does not want me. It’s only due to your generosity as well as the generosity of some very good friends and family that I have been able to stay as long as I have. I even had a friend offer to pay my September rent yesterday delaying me yet another month. But to what end? In as much as I love living 150 steps to the beach, walking and floating on a whim, I need to get back to being productive. Maybe Virginia commerce will welcome me with open arms. Maybe I’ll be able to practice Reiki legally! Maybe I’ll turn Finally Florida into a book now that we know how it ends. And although I’ve never loved living anyplace as much as I love living in Florida, there has always been a part of me that longs for green grass, real gardens, apples, pumpkins. I am starting to look forward to some of that northern horse country with it’s rolling hills and “real” farmers markets. I’m thankful for my UGGs especially now. I will have to buy myself a new winter coat. I am not looking forward to that at all. Last week I took off the nail polish on my toes. It is the first time in 2 years and 3 months that I do not have my toes painted. I’m going to leave them that way. Thought I’d get them ready for country living and close toed shoes.
I wanted to take this time to let you know how grateful I am that you included me in your life for these past 2 years – 3 if you count the time in Beaver. Although clearly it did not end up as I had hoped I have many wonderful memories. I’ve been re-reading the blogs from the beginning and I was clearly very very happy. We had a lot of fun. Although family life is challenging at best I think we did a pretty good job with Zenah and Jorden. Thank you for supporting and encouraging me to blog and believing in the Reiki. Without you I would not be a writer. Just don’t sue me when I publish our story. It’s a good story. Real stories don’t have happy endings. It will be a tear jerker for sure, at least it is for me.
I have wondered if I left too soon as I am wont to do, but you didn’t fight for me (what’s up with that?) so I guess it was time for both of us to move on. Apparently God has plans for me to move on in another state. Marsetta is already calling me with Pittsburgh jobs. Friends and family are in Pittsburgh so really how bad would it be to move back? Maybe now it’s my time to get my family back together? Who knows. I don’t even want to pretend that I have any idea what will happen. I think I’ve cured myself of the fortune-teller obsession and wanting to know the future since they were all wrong.
Phil you will always be the original BF, and the first Best boyfriend ever! I hope you weren’t the love of my life who I let go, because that will mean a really long lonely rest of my days. But I think we both know that our “one” is still out there waiting for us. Maybe you have found yours already. Hopefully mine lives in Virginia – on a horse farm – with a Lake house. Even so, you will always be more to me than someone that I used to know. I wish nothing but the best for you and all the Bakers. I will miss you all for a very long time.
And thus concludes Finally Florida. I hope all 32 of you have enjoyed my journey as much as I have. I’m on to my next chapter – or I guess my next book. I will resurrect the blog once I’m settled with wifi. Wonder what I will name it?